It’s that time of year when the heat has to come on, so I was going to write a post filled with furnace and heating jokes. But, with so many people likely unable to afford their heating bills this winter, it felt in bad taste. So instead I offer these tips to keep warm (from a cheap Canadian):
dress in layers, and don’t forget a hat – you lose a lot of your heat through your head.
Insulate your windows with plastic sheeting, and make sure no drafts are sneaking in under doors.
Let the sun shine in when it can, but when it gets dark, close your blinds/curtains as an extra layer of insulation.
If you do lose heat/power when it’s below freezing outside, leave your taps running just a little to prevent them freezing.
Now that Disney has acquired Doctor Who, it’s out with the old and in with the new*. Classic villains have had to find work elsewhere, and the job market is tight.
Just look at this poor Santaran, forced to shill for Big Potato.
And this Dalek has put its magnificent abs to work in a spa, scraping away dead skin for pedicures.
But they both fared better than this poor Cyberman, who not only was reduced to manual labour, but decapitation as well.
Better hope the Weeping Angels don’t end up as garden ornaments…
*Obviously I have no idea what Disney is going to do with Doctor Who, I can only assume that by throwing money at it, they will change the low budget look of many of the FX.
Attention, readers! We have taken over this blog to point out an extreme injustice. This blog has shown an unfair preference for faces of the binocular variety. We monocles-
Okay, sorry.
We uni-eyes-
Fine!
We of the “only-one-eye” variety-
Right. Fine.
We cyclopses-
You know what? I give up. Maybe we don’t deserve a spot on this blog. I’m outta here.
Once upon a weekend weary, in a house that was quite eerie,
There were many a quaint and curious option of household décor
While I sat glibly condoning, suddenly there came a moaning,
As of someone gently droning, groaning outside of my door.
“Tis just a gust of wind,” I muttered, “Outside of my door.
“Only this, and nothing more.”
In the doorway, I stood shiv’ring, no wind blew, but knees were quiv’ring,
Hearing screaming scream no mortal ever dared to scream before.
As the silence thus was broken, surely dead had been awoken,
But the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
“Wherefore?”
This I whispered and a ghastly voice howled back the word,
“Wherefore?”
Only this did the voice roar.
Out into the hallway turning, finding the source my one yearning,
Soon I heard a groaning somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is someone being tortured, dying,
I must help them or die trying,” and so I stepped along the floor.
Another howling at that moment, as I stepped along the floor.
Not the wind, but something more.
As I walked, I brushed the paper, and, from the wall burst virulent vapor,
Thus it summoned rapt attention to the place I did ignore.
Flowers plastered on the wall there, screaming like a banshee’s bawl there,
Giving me more than a small scare, snared outside my chamber door.
Snared souls writhing in the paper just outside my chamber door.
Snared, and screaming, in décor.
Soon those peonies’ caterwauling had the poor wall’s plaster falling,
And my bruised and battered eardrums could scarcely tolerate much more
“Truly this must be a caper, thou,” I said, “are not from draper,
Ghastly grim and ancient paper, haunting this home’s hallway core.
Tell me now you’ll cease your screeching, Let silence reign upon this floor.”
Quoth the flowers, “Nevermore.”
“There must be a way to free you, leave this place, I guarantee you,
Get thee out of the wallpaper, released from prison of décor,”
But no matter try as I might, all the day into the twilight,
In the end of efforts finite, the flowers still screamed, and I swore,
“Get your howls from out my ears, and get your forms from my décor!”
Quoth the flowers, “Nevermore.”
Now the trapped souls, I’m not doubting, still are shouting, still are shouting,
Snared souls writhing in the paper just outside my chamber door.
All the mouths are moaning, screaming, like a demon’s nightmare dreaming,
Writhing, paper fully teaming with the shadows cast of yore,
And these souls, these ghastly shadows, will stay ensnared in the décor,
Will be released - nevermore.
I was walking home from work late one night,
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
For something in the garden began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise
I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull
It was impossible for it to be alive
But crumbling of dirt revealed some fingers five
Then an arm came from the garden topsoil
And my stomach began to roil
I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull
Maybe kids were having fun? (Wa hoo, tennis shoe)
Halloween had just begun (Wa hoo, tennis shoe)
But if it was legit, then I needed to run
The scene was scary, then I noticed the sounds
Clinking of chains, backed by some baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
And all I wanted was to stay alive!
I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull
Out from the garden, a voice did ring
But I was troubled by just one thing
I’m pretty sure my knees were gelatin. Voice said
"It’s not a real skull, it’s a plastic skeleton!”
I swear I saw a skull
(I saw a skull) My walk is never dull
(I saw a skull) Is my brain just too full?
(I saw a skull) I swear I saw a skull
Now everything's cool, I’m a part of the show
I scream in fright and cry out in woe!
For you, the living, this show was meant too
When you get to the door, tell them Boris sent you
Then you can see a skull
(I saw a skull) The walk is never dull
(There is a skull) Is your brain just too full?
(There is a skull) Then you can see a skull
(Seriously, though, that rock in my neighbour’s garden gives me the creeps!)
(de)Face It 