It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like…

I know it is kind of a pain

But now that there’s more snow than rain

Wreaths have been hung,

And lights have been strung

Christmas is very much on my brain.

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It’s a Hard Rock Life

There once was a mossy old rock

At which people always did gawk.

Its eyes did beguile,

So, they drew it a smile.

Now it looks like it’s able to talk

(Thanks to Aaron Callard for submitting the photo!)

Philoslothical Haiku

Trees do not move fast
Rooted, as they are, in place
But this is just wrong.

Someday We’ll Find It…

There once was a tree in the wood

That looked not as proper tree should.

With fuzzy green hair

And a googly stare

Call it a Muppet, you could.

Put a Little Boogie In It

It’s that perfect time of the year

For a movie that I hold quite dear

When Halloween’s done,

And Christmas yet to come,

It’s time for Oogie Boogie to appear…

The Flowers

Once upon a weekend weary, in a house that was quite eerie,
There were many a quaint and curious option of household décor
While I sat glibly condoning, suddenly there came a moaning,
As of someone gently droning, groaning outside of my door.
“Tis just a gust of wind,” I muttered, “Outside of my door.
“Only this, and nothing more.”

In the doorway, I stood shiv’ring, no wind blew, but knees were quiv’ring,
Hearing screaming scream no mortal ever dared to scream before.
As the silence thus was broken, surely dead had been awoken,
But the only word there spoken was the whispered word, 
“Wherefore?”
This I whispered and a ghastly voice howled back the word,
“Wherefore?”
Only this did the voice roar.

Out into the hallway turning, finding the source my one yearning,
Soon I heard a groaning somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is someone being tortured, dying,
I must help them or die trying,” and so I stepped along the floor.
Another howling at that moment, as I stepped along the floor.
Not the wind, but something more.

As I walked, I brushed the paper, and, from the wall burst virulent vapor,
Thus it summoned rapt attention to the place I did ignore.
Flowers plastered on the wall there, screaming like a banshee’s bawl there,
Giving me more than a small scare, snared outside my chamber door.
Snared souls writhing in the paper just outside my chamber door.
Snared, and screaming, in décor.

Soon those peonies’ caterwauling had the poor wall’s plaster falling,
And my bruised and battered eardrums could scarcely tolerate much more
“Truly this must be a caper, thou,” I said, “are not from draper,
Ghastly grim and ancient paper, haunting this home’s hallway core.
Tell me now you’ll cease your screeching, Let silence reign upon this floor.”
Quoth the flowers, “Nevermore.”  

“There must be a way to free you, leave this place, I guarantee you,
Get thee out of the wallpaper, released from prison of décor,”
But no matter try as I might, all the day into the twilight,
In the end of efforts finite, the flowers still screamed, and I swore,
“Get your howls from out my ears, and get your forms from my décor!”
Quoth the flowers, “Nevermore.”

Now the trapped souls, I’m not doubting, still are shouting, still are shouting,
Snared souls writhing in the paper just outside my chamber door.
All the mouths are moaning, screaming, like a demon’s nightmare dreaming,
Writhing, paper fully teaming with the shadows cast of yore,
And these souls, these ghastly shadows, will stay ensnared in the décor,
Will be released - nevermore.

Five Haunted Tree Trunks

(Parody of Five Little Pumpkins)

Five haunted tree trunks in the neighborhood,

The first one is a mummy made of wood,

The second one says, “Would you like to have some fun?”

The third one says, “It’s time for you to run,”

The fourth one likes to howl and shriek and yell,

The fifth one is a demon straight from Hell,

Ooh-Ooh goes the wind,

In darkness of night

And the five haunted tree trunks give you a fright.

Stool Sample

Once a stool was just so even-keeled

People sat on it, stood on it, or kneeled,

It was such a prize

It helped teams exercise,

The stool was outstanding in its field.

Toucan Play at this Game

A pirate made a demand quite absurd

“Yar, find booty at the beach!” (so I heard)

But there were no gems around,

Only wood washed aground,

So instead of treasure, they gave him the bird.

(See more pirate jokes here)

Don’t Tell Disney

There once was a model’s wood hole

That made me think of something quite droll

Something cartoonish

Even a little buffoonish:

An old Disney character named Mole.

This is where I’d normally post a comparison picture, but Disney really frowns on that sort of thing, so hit this link to if you want to see how close the resemblance actually is.