Celebrating 100 Posts!

August 26, 2022August 9, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

I know my jokes can be a bit cheesy at times – even a little saucy – but the joy I get from making them crust can’t be topped. I put a pizza my heart in every one, even if sometimes the delivery falls flat. So, thanks for reading. It’s been a slice!

Close up of pizza covered in vegetables and pineapple. A pineapple chunk with singed bits that look like eyes and a mouth asks, "Who puts pineapple on a veggie pizza?" A tomato slice that looks like it's grinning answers, "A real weird-dough" (spelled d-o-u-g-h.)

Two round wrapped cheeses sitting above a wrapped cheese stick to form a 'meh' face. Eyebrows and pupils have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

Sea-ing Faces

August 24, 2022August 19, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Ahem.

It has come to our attention that some visitors to the aquarium have been making fun of our majestic sea creatures.

Bottom view of a sting ray, whose nostrils look like eyes over a 'meh' mouth. Speech bubble says, "Ouch! That really stings!"

I will remind you that sharks and sting rays have their eyes on top of their heads. It is their nostrils that are located on the bottom.

They do not like being told they have “funny faces.”

Bottom of a shark's head. Nostils look like sad eyes over a sad mouth. Eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "That makes me feel jaw-ful."

Sharks have excellent eyesight, so don’t think you can get away with mocking them.

Saw tooth shark with angry-looking nostrils "eyes" and mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I saw that!"

These are deadly sea creatures, folks. Trust me when I say you don’t want to make them angry.

Great White shark with angry nostril "eyes" and mouth full of teeth. Speech bubble says, "It's all fin and games until somebody loses an arm."

So, while I’m sure many of us have been gill-ty of this offense in the past, I hope that in the future, you’ll churn over a new leaf and treat these animals like the dignified and sofishticated creatures they are.

Bringing the Heat

August 17, 2022July 26, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Welcome to amateur comedy night, where we’ve invited our guests to bring their spiciest jokes. Put your hands together for our first comedian, Pete Zabox!

Open Pizza box that looks like a face. Eyebrows have been doodled over vent hole "eyes". Speech bubbles say, "Why did the cayenne put on a sweater?' and "Because it was a little chili."

Confused looking red pepper says, "I don't get it."

Pizza box again. Speech bubbles say, "Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?" and "Because it didn't habanero."

Confused pepper again saying, "I don't get it."

Pizza box again. Speech bubbles say, "How do you figure out how heavy a red hot chili pepper is?" and "Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now."

Closed pizza box looks dejected. Speech bubble says, "I hate it when my jokes fall flat."

Handle With Care

August 12, 2022July 27, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Hubs has been doing some work around the house lately, and while I think our new kitchen fixtures look great, I’m pretty sure our cupboards have a different opinion.

Two side-by-side drawers with handles that look like closed eyes (eyelashes have been doodled in). Underneath are two larger drawers, stripped down to bare wood. The gap between them forms a mouth. Speech bubble says, "I barely even recognize my-shelf anymore."

Aw, it’s okay, buddy. We all know change is hard.

Store Stares

August 3, 2022July 26, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

“Hey, so I know we promised to look at new kitchen fixtures today, but this place is weirding me out. I feel like I’m being watched.”

Wall of drawer pulls and handles with two round knob "eyes" over a handle "mouth." Text box at bottom reads, "You can handle this."

“Yeah. Okay. Seriously, though…do you think they have hidden cameras or something? Because It feels like somebody’s eyes are on me.”

Another wall of handles and pulls. This time with two faces: knob eyes and noses over handle mouths. Pupils have been doodled in for emphasis. Text box reads, "Get a grip. Nobody's watching you."

“You’re right. I must be imagining things. But I swear something here is creeping me out, big time.”

Yet another wall. This time three faces of varying creepiness are made out of pulls and handles. White pupils added for emphasis. Text box reads, "Pull yourself together and pick something!"

“Okay, fine, if only because it means I can leave. Those ones. For some reason, I have a good feeling about them.”

Happy face made of pulls and a handle. Text box reads, "Done."

Hitting Rock Bottom

August 1, 2022July 26, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

There once was a girl from a place

Who climbed mountains at quite a quick pace

One time she fell down

By some stones with a frown:

She got stuck ‘tween a rock and hard face.

Rock wall with stones that look like two eyes, a nose and mouth. Eyeballs and angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Looks like your hike is off to a rocky start."

Happy National Creme Brulee Day

July 27, 2022July 11, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

There’s a process I’d like to condemn,

It can cause all sorts of mayhem,

If you don’t do it right,

It can cause a fright,

When you don’t properly brûlée your crème.

Splotchy topped creme brulee. Eyes, angry eyebrows, and arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Hope you have a Flan B for dessert."

Gearing Up

July 20, 2022July 10, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Okay folks, it’s time! We’re finally being called up and put into action. Are you ready for this?

Wooden sheet with cut-out gears for a model. Two empty oval spaces sit about a jagged empty trapezoid. Googly eyeballs have been doodled into the ovals, making it look like cookie monster. A speech bubble says, "Will there be cookies?"

What? No! There won’t be cookies. This isn’t the dark side, this is a model. Now, come on and get working.

More gear cut-outs. Two spiral gears sit over the empty space of toothed gear making a ZOMG face. Muppet-flail arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "ZOMG! I've been waiting my whole life for this!"

Excellent. That’s the kind of enthusiasm I want to see.

Is there a problem, Geary?

Circle with an empty space that looks like a ship's steering wheel. Above it are two empty circles with doodled pupils. A circle within a circle sits beside the
mouth." Speech bubble says, "Why so I always get a pimple on the big day?"

It’s okay, I’m sure no one will notice.

All right, are we ready now?

Toothed gear with smaller circles inside that look like eyes. Eyebrows and stick arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I'm ready! Let's go!"

Okay.

Let’s go, Gear Force!

Assemble.

Wooden clock with visible gears, doodled to look like an owl. Speech bubble says, "Owl right! Now that's what I'm talking about!"

What a Crock!

July 18, 2022July 10, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Having to cook everyday creates a lot of pressure. Having to find meals that suit everyone leaves me steamed. It’s like a slow burn, simmering under the surface. Especially since it seems like everyone and everything has something to say about my cooking.