I’m Still Here (Sort of)

January 4, 2023 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

So sorry to disappear on everyone, but back at the end of November I hit my head and got a concussion, and I’ve been off screens ever since. Such a shame, since I was working on a bunch of great Xmas posts.

I’m even sorrier to say, I’m not really back. Screens are still hard on my head, so I have to limit how much I use them, and since you can’t really write a blog without them…

But

I’m not shutting down completely.

I’ll still be back to make occasional posts. After all, it’s not like I’ll stop seeing faces everywhere. But my posts won’t come on a schedule.

So, if you want to stay in the loop, I suggest you subscribe to the RSS feed so you won’t miss any posts.

This isn’t goodbye, but it is so long for now.

Half a jalapeno pepper that looks like it has a wailing mouth. Sad eyes and tear drops have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I thought jalapenos were supposed to make you cry, not the other way around."

Keeping an Eye on You

November 2, 2022October 19, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Attention, readers! We have taken over this blog to point out an extreme injustice. This blog has shown an unfair preference for faces of the binocular variety. We monocles-

Silver Birch tree with knot holes that look like a single large eye centered over a mouth. Grumpy eyebrows and arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Um, Iris? Monocles are already a thing. You can't call us that."

Okay, sorry.

We uni-eyes-

Interior of a computer. A large circle "eye" sits above a rectangular mouth. Speech bubble says, "Really? Uni-eye? How do you expect them to take us seriously?"

Fine!

We of the “only-one-eye” variety-

One round leafy plant "eye" over a smiling tulip leaf "mouth." Eyeball has been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I think the word you're looking for is cyclops."

Right. Fine.

We cyclopses-

Another silver birch tree with dark knots that look like a grumpy cyclops face. Arms with hands on hips have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Cyclopes. The plural of cyclops is cyclopes."

You know what? I give up. Maybe we don’t deserve a spot on this blog. I’m outta here.

Playground with a clear round dome that looks like an eye over a square window that looks like a mouth. Arms and surprised eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Was it something we said?"

Shedding a Little Light on the Subject

October 21, 2022September 29, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Me (walking around Costco): Wow, that is one evil looking light. Who would ever want that on their house?

Outdoor light with motion sensor configured as two large square eyes over a bar nose and small mouth that looks like an evil grin.

Hubs: You and your imagination. It’s a perfectly normal light. Here, turn it on and see what a difference the light makes.

Light face looks even more demonic lit up.

Hubs: Okay, yeah, no. That’s definitely worse.

Me: Run away!

My Jokes Are Out of This World

October 7, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Open blue backpack hanging from a hook. A lunch bag is peeking out of the main area, giving the appearance of eyes. An open zipper makes a mouth below it. Antennae are doodled at top. Speech bubbles say, "What do you call an alien with six eyes?" "Aliiiiiien"

Wooden model kit with pieces that look like six round eyes over a fuzzy body with a large mouth. Green arms and toes have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

I’ve Heard of Monster Trucks…

October 3, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

…but never a Monster Car.

Black vintage sedan with pointy red brake light "eyes," and pointy chrome "teeth" coming out of the bumper. Text box reads, "Never park outside during a full moon."

Heaters Gonna Heat

September 12, 2022September 7, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

I know they say not to post in the heat of the moment, but current events have me steamed up, and I refuse to wait until I cool off. And while this post may draw some heat for being “too political,” I say too bad.

Spaced heater whose dial "eyes" and light "mouth" make it look shocked and upset. Text box reads: My face when they announced kids can go back to school Covid positive and with no mask mandate.

Hat’s Off to This Joke

September 2, 2022August 30, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Orange Tilly hat with two rivets that look like eyes and a snap for a mouth. Speech bubble says, "What's a foot long, made of leather, and sounds like a sneeze?"

Same orange hat but with doodled in eyebrows and a mouth with a tongue sticking out. Speech bubble says, "A shoe!"

A brown shoe with a buckle strap that looks like angry eyebrows over hole eyes. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

Margory, Is That You?

August 29, 2022August 22, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Ok, this is a bit of a deep cut, but does anyone remember Margory the Talking Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock?

Because I’m pretty sure I found her spirit washed up on a beach on Lake Ontario. Or at least her lorgnette.

I Love It When a Face Comes Together

August 19, 2022August 4, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

I don’t go around looking for faces, I swear. But sometimes when I’m out, things line up just right, and next thing you know I’m snapping a pic of a house wearing a cool hat and sticking its tongue out at me. Because when I see a face, I just can’t let it slide.

Playground in front of a house, positioned so the windows look like eyes, the playground's telescope like a nose and its slide like a mouth with its tongue sticking out. Pupils have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Face it, your imagination is out of control!"

Emotional Post

August 10, 2022July 27, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Good morning, everyone. Thank you for coming out to our Emoji Stand-In Auditions. As you already know, our current emojis have been working hard, and would like the chance for a break, so we’re hoping to find some lookalikes to temporarily take over for smaller appearances: texts, DMs, that kind of thing.

Let’s see who’s first. Shocked?

Not bad. There are a few key differences, though that might make it obvious you’re not the original.

Wooden circle from a model kit, with two large circle eyes, a jagged circle mouth, and a smaller circle "beauty mark" beside the mouth. Speech bubble says, "I can't help it, it's a beauty mark!"

Be that as it may, it’s not your only identifying feature. *CoughMouthCough*

Unfortunately this is a very subjective business, and we owe it to our clients to only cast actors who will be able to replace them unnoticed.

Moving on.

Let’s see WTF.

Two glasses and a container stacked in a dishwasher in a way that looks like a wtf face.

All right, I can kind of see the resemblance, but I think you’re missing a few key features. Like a head.

Who’s next? Sad? Go ahead.

Slice of pickle with three holes, making it look like a sad face.

Now we’re getting closer. Not bad shape, decent brow work, colour’s a bit off, but we could work with that…

Can you cry on demand? Let’s see some tears.

Same sad pickle face. Speech bubble says, "I'm not really much of a crier."

Well, sorry, but I’m afraid you’re out. Can’t have a sad emoji who can’t cry.

Next!

Somebody give me something happy.

Small roasted potato with two burnt garlic bits for eyes and a sliver of roasted onion for a smile.

You’ve got the expression down pat. Come back when you’ve taken care of those wrinkles. Maybe see if you can get a colour enhancement while you’re at it. Then we’ll talk.

Right. I think that wraps up our auditions for today. Thanks for coming out. While we didn’t manage to cast any lookalikes today, a few of you made strong showings. Keep practicing, get some work done, and maybe we’ll be seeing you in texts soon!

(de)Face It

I find faces. I doodle on faces. You laugh at faces.

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