Who You Gonna Call?

October 17, 2022October 12, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Hubs: Oh hey u done cleaning?

Me: Vacuum’s haunted.

Hubs: What?

Me: *loading a pistol and getting back to the living room* Vacuum’s haunted.

Stand-up vacuum whose canister is filled with dust in the shape of a skull. Speech bubble says, "They call me the Grim Sweeper."

Happy Howloween

October 12, 2022September 23, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Side view of a turkey whose wing feathers look like a smiling face. Pink hands have been doodled in to match its pink legs. Speech bubble covers turkeys real head and says, "What do you call an owl who reads your horoscope?" Second bubble says, "An Astr-owl-oger"

Same turkey picture, only this time the speech bubbles say, "What do you call an owl who transforms things?" and "An owl-chemist."

Same picture again. Speech bubbles say, "What do you call an owl who raises the dead?" and "A necr-owl-mancer"

Side of a barn with two large windows on either side of a spout, giving the impression of an owl's face. An outline of an owl's body has been drawn in for emphasis. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

You’ll Never Look at a Turkey the Same Way Again

October 10, 2022September 20, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

I know I promised a month of Halloween posts, but today is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so it feels like I should post something turkey-related. So, in true Franken-spirit, I have combined the two. Behold, my two best (worst?) Halloween turkey jokes and an image that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

What happens to turkeys when they die?

They become poultry-geists.

What do turkeys dress up as for Halloween?

Gobblins.

My Jokes Are Out of This World

October 7, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Open blue backpack hanging from a hook. A lunch bag is peeking out of the main area, giving the appearance of eyes. An open zipper makes a mouth below it. Antennae are doodled at top. Speech bubbles say, "What do you call an alien with six eyes?" "Aliiiiiien"

Wooden model kit with pieces that look like six round eyes over a fuzzy body with a large mouth. Green arms and toes have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

Don’t Bite My Head Off

September 30, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Something about this picture is bugging me. Just got this creeping feeling there’s more here than meets the eye. Maybe if I divide it insections? Nope. Ugh. This kind of failure just can’t fly. I guess I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness.

On second thought, never mind. I’m sure someone will jump in the comments to mantisplain.

A picture of three green berries hanging in a triangular formation looking like the head of a praying mantis. Antennae and outlines of head and foreleg have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Mantis Dating Advice: Never lose your head over a pretty girl."

It’s a Living

September 26, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Picture of a bumper whose two headlights look like eyes. Speech bubble says, "Hey, Roller Coaster, I need a new job. What do you think of yours?"

Wheels of a roller coaster where the bolts look like eyes a round nose and a prissy mouth. Speech bubble says, "It has its ups and downs."

Stool Sample

September 23, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Once a stool was just so even-keeled

People sat on it, stood on it, or kneeled,

It was such a prize

It helped teams exercise,

The stool was outstanding in its field.

Soccer field with blue step stool that has two holes that look like eyes. Speech bubble says, "Groan. You're really going to have to step up your jokes."

Supplies Party

September 14, 2022September 10, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Atten-tion!

The school year has been being waged for a week now, so it’s time for a status update from each of you.

Cadet Lunchowski?

Rectangular sandwich container lid with two "eye" spaces over one larger "mouth" space. Mustard is smeared over all spaces. Speech bubble says, "They're eating us alive out there, General!"

Hang in there, Man. Mustard your courage!

Botteli, Report.

Reusable water bottle seen from the top. Two rivets form eyes, the closing mechanism makes a mouth, and the handle looks like a jutting chin. Speech bubble says, "My troops are staying straw-ng, Sir!"

Now that’s more like it. Keep it cup, soldier!

What about you, Knapsacki?

Back pack with a silver decoration that looks like sunglasses is hanging on a hook. Mouth has been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "We've taken a beating, General, Sir. But we're hanging in there."

Excellent, Trooper.

Hear that, soldiers? We have this in the bag!

All right, Troops, there’s a long road ahead, but I know you’re up to the job. Stay sharp and stick to it.

Company…dismissed!

Talk About a Disco Inferno

September 9, 2022September 2, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

My spouse set up some speakers over the summer, and I can’t help but think they’re judging us for our taste in music…

Two speakers that look like googly eyes are sitting on a woodstove, whose door looks like a grumpy mouth. Arms have been doodled in with hands on hips. Speech bubble says, "When are you going to play Light My Fire?"

Alien Concept

August 31, 2022August 24, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

This just in.

It’s being reported that aliens have begun an invasion of earth.

These creatures are tricky and excellent at camouflage, but we have a few photos.

This first one was spotted at a nearby swamp, prompting scientists to dub it “The Marsh-an.”

Morning glory flower with two vines that look like eye stalks. Eyeballs have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Take me to your weeder."

This next one was spotted under water. Judging by its defiant attitude in mocking the photographer, it should definitely be considered an anemone to humankind.

Pink shaggy sea anemone that looks like it's sticking out a tongue. Eyeballs have been doodled in. — *Thanks to LE Callard for spotting this one.*

I’m not going to beat about the bush here: we are in danger.

Some aliens have even been spotted hiding close to people’s homes.

Shaggy bush in a planter box with round decorations that look like eyeballs. Speech bubble says, "E Tree phone home."

And, even worse, in playgrounds.

Playground equipment with colourful semi-spheres with two screws at the top that look like aliens. Speech bubble says, "We think playgrounds are out of this world!" — *Photo submitted by MJ Blakely*

We cannot let this slide!

If you spot an alien in your neighbourhood, do not approach. Give them space.

All sightings are to be reported to your local X-Files division.

I know this situation feel scary, folks, but if we all work together we can overcomet!

(de)Face It

I find faces. I doodle on faces. You laugh at faces.

Bad joke