Happy Howloween

October 12, 2022September 23, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Side view of a turkey whose wing feathers look like a smiling face. Pink hands have been doodled in to match its pink legs. Speech bubble covers turkeys real head and says, "What do you call an owl who reads your horoscope?" Second bubble says, "An Astr-owl-oger"

Same turkey picture, only this time the speech bubbles say, "What do you call an owl who transforms things?" and "An owl-chemist."

Same picture again. Speech bubbles say, "What do you call an owl who raises the dead?" and "A necr-owl-mancer"

Side of a barn with two large windows on either side of a spout, giving the impression of an owl's face. An outline of an owl's body has been drawn in for emphasis. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

You’ll Never Look at a Turkey the Same Way Again

October 10, 2022September 20, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

I know I promised a month of Halloween posts, but today is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so it feels like I should post something turkey-related. So, in true Franken-spirit, I have combined the two. Behold, my two best (worst?) Halloween turkey jokes and an image that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

What happens to turkeys when they die?

They become poultry-geists.

What do turkeys dress up as for Halloween?

Gobblins.

Don’t Bite My Head Off

September 30, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Something about this picture is bugging me. Just got this creeping feeling there’s more here than meets the eye. Maybe if I divide it insections? Nope. Ugh. This kind of failure just can’t fly. I guess I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness.

On second thought, never mind. I’m sure someone will jump in the comments to mantisplain.

A picture of three green berries hanging in a triangular formation looking like the head of a praying mantis. Antennae and outlines of head and foreleg have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Mantis Dating Advice: Never lose your head over a pretty girl."

It’s a Living

September 26, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Picture of a bumper whose two headlights look like eyes. Speech bubble says, "Hey, Roller Coaster, I need a new job. What do you think of yours?"

Wheels of a roller coaster where the bolts look like eyes a round nose and a prissy mouth. Speech bubble says, "It has its ups and downs."

Stool Sample

September 23, 2022September 15, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Once a stool was just so even-keeled

People sat on it, stood on it, or kneeled,

It was such a prize

It helped teams exercise,

The stool was outstanding in its field.

Soccer field with blue step stool that has two holes that look like eyes. Speech bubble says, "Groan. You're really going to have to step up your jokes."

Toucan Play at this Game

September 19, 2022September 2, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

A pirate made a demand quite absurd

“Yar, find booty at the beach!” (so I heard)

But there were no gems around,

Only wood washed aground,

So instead of treasure, they gave him the bird.

Piece of driftwood in the shape of a toucan's head. Eye has been doodled in. Speech bubbles say, "How can you tell where a bird left its treasure?" and "Eggs marks the spot."

(See more pirate jokes here)

Supplies Party

September 14, 2022September 10, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Atten-tion!

The school year has been being waged for a week now, so it’s time for a status update from each of you.

Cadet Lunchowski?

Rectangular sandwich container lid with two "eye" spaces over one larger "mouth" space. Mustard is smeared over all spaces. Speech bubble says, "They're eating us alive out there, General!"

Hang in there, Man. Mustard your courage!

Botteli, Report.

Reusable water bottle seen from the top. Two rivets form eyes, the closing mechanism makes a mouth, and the handle looks like a jutting chin. Speech bubble says, "My troops are staying straw-ng, Sir!"

Now that’s more like it. Keep it cup, soldier!

What about you, Knapsacki?

Back pack with a silver decoration that looks like sunglasses is hanging on a hook. Mouth has been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "We've taken a beating, General, Sir. But we're hanging in there."

Excellent, Trooper.

Hear that, soldiers? We have this in the bag!

All right, Troops, there’s a long road ahead, but I know you’re up to the job. Stay sharp and stick to it.

Company…dismissed!

Talk About a Disco Inferno

September 9, 2022September 2, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

My spouse set up some speakers over the summer, and I can’t help but think they’re judging us for our taste in music…

Two speakers that look like googly eyes are sitting on a woodstove, whose door looks like a grumpy mouth. Arms have been doodled in with hands on hips. Speech bubble says, "When are you going to play Light My Fire?"

Head in the Clouds

September 7, 2022September 5, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

As climate change has been making weather worse across the world, we here at Cumulo-Nimbus Entertainment have decided to take advantage of the unstable atmosphere and bring you the first ever Cross-Country Cloud Race!

This is a very cirrus event, certain to send the lucky winner’s career into the stratosphere!

And they’re off!

Uh-oh, looks like one of our contestants is slow to leave the gate. If she can’t get moving soon, she’s looking at turtle defeat.

Cloud shaped like a turtle, outlined for emphasis. Eyeball doodled in.

And Contestant Number 2 is off to an early lead, setting hearts aflutter with her speed.

Wispy cloud that looks like a butterfly; antennae have been doodled in.

Oh no! Looks like she blown off the course by a stray breeze!

That puts our third and final contestant in first place. Hope he doesn’t run into any fowl weather!

Cloud shaped like a running bird. Outline and eye added for emphasis.

What’s this?

Contestant Number 3 has stopped to pose for photographers just before the finish line!

What fowl behaviour! I’ve never seen anything like it.

And here comes Contestant Number 1, on a swift air current. She’s coming up the outside.

Jack be Nimbus, Jack be Quick! She’s done it! Contestant Number 1 has won the race!

What an upset!

Cloud turtle looks like she's smiling. A gold medal has been doodled in around her neck. Speech bubble says, "Slow and steady wins the race."

What can I say, folks? Today has been a tale of lightning speed and mist opportunities, with a shocking twist at the end!

Let’s give a final round of applause for our new raining champion!

Hat’s Off to This Joke

September 2, 2022August 30, 2022 / K. Callard / Leave a comment

Orange Tilly hat with two rivets that look like eyes and a snap for a mouth. Speech bubble says, "What's a foot long, made of leather, and sounds like a sneeze?"

Same orange hat but with doodled in eyebrows and a mouth with a tongue sticking out. Speech bubble says, "A shoe!"

A brown shoe with a buckle strap that looks like angry eyebrows over hole eyes. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."

(de)Face It

I find faces. I doodle on faces. You laugh at faces.

dad jokes