(de)Face It

I’m Still Here (Sort of)

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

So sorry to disappear on everyone, but back at the end of November I hit my head and got a concussion, and I’ve been off screens ever since. Such a shame, since I was working on a bunch of great Xmas posts.

I’m even sorrier to say, I’m not really back. Screens are still hard on my head, so I have to limit how much I use them, and since you can’t really write a blog without them…

But

I’m not shutting down completely.

I’ll still be back to make occasional posts. After all, it’s not like I’ll stop seeing faces everywhere. But my posts won’t come on a schedule.

So, if you want to stay in the loop, I suggest you subscribe to the RSS feed so you won’t miss any posts.

This isn’t goodbye, but it is so long for now.

Half a jalapeno pepper that looks like it has a wailing mouth. Sad eyes and tear drops have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I thought jalapenos were supposed to make you cry, not the other way around."
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Mmmm…Sacrelicious

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Readers of this blog may find it hard to believe, but I don’t go around looking for faces. They just jump out at me.

When you have pareidolia, like I do, you can’t always help seeing faces in places they’re not supposed to be. And, often, once I see a face, I can’t unsee it.

That’s what happened when my neighbour put up a wooden manger scene on her lawn last holiday season.

Maybe it’s because my brain was still in Halloween-mode, or maybe it’s because at first, I couldn’t make out what the shape actually was – all I could see was a hungry monster sneaking up on a poor unsuspecting shepherd.

And now that’s all you’ll be able to see, too!

Wooden cut-out of two palm trees joined at the top, behind a shepherd, lit by a green spotlight, as part of a manger scene. The palm trees have been doodled with two dragon eyes, angry eyebrows and arms reaching for the shepherd, to make it look more like a monster reaching for him. Speech bubbles say, "Shepherds are so addictive, I can't stop eating them." and "I just keep coming back for myrrh."

(P.S. In case you’re now having trouble figuring out what the “monster” is: it’s two palm trees and some bushes.)

Housing Crisis

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Knock, knock!

–Who’s there?

Holly

-Holly who?

Holiday season has begun!

Shed with triangular windows that look like angry eyes. Angry eyebrows and a straight line mouth have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Holiday jokes in November? Really?"

Aw, come on. It’s December tomorrow! The stores have had Christmas stuff up since Halloween! You should be happy I waited this long!

What’s the matter, are you Claustrophobic? Do I need to nurse you back to elf?

House with a double window that looks like eyes over another window that looks like a gaping mouth. Upset eyebrows and hands covering imaginary ears have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "La la la! I can't hear you!"

Now you’re just being rude-olph. What’s the big deal? Did you get needled by Christmas trees?

House decorated with two large round ornaments that look like eyes over a wreath that looks like a gaping mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Maybe some of us don't like who we become during the holiday season."

Point taken.

But I can’t stop. I just can’t help myself when it comes to the holidays. I’m too santamental.

R-emote Control

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

All right, emoji wannabes, listen up! With so many of us out sick, our situation is getting dire, and we are going to have employ some of you as substitutes whether you’re a perfect match or not.

Today is your day!

All right, Smiling Spoon, Carol’s telling a joke. We need a happy face. Go, go, go!

Text message conversation with Carol: Carol: What do you get when two dinosaurs crash their cars? Person 2: What? Carol: T-wrecks. (spelled t - wrecks) Person 2: replies with a measuring spoon that has milk on it that looks like a smiling face.

All right. Good work. I’m sure nobody noticed the difference.

Okay. I can see Minh is talking about yummy food, so it’s time to put the cards down and jump into action, Ooh!

Text conversation with Minh: Minh: I'm loving these cooking classes I'm taking. They're so easy. Person 2: Really? Minh: Yeah, the homework's a piece of cake. Person 2 sends an emoji that's a triangular playing card holder with three circles that make it look like a surprised face.

Hmm, maybe that wasn’t the right call. Oh well.

If they wanted the right emojis, they should have done more to stop illnesses from spreading. I can only do so much when I’m short staffed like this!

Oh!

Head’s up Shocked Pepper, Mycah’s telling tales again! Get in there, quick!

Text message conversation with Mycah. Mycah: I don't want to say climate change is out of control, but... Person 2: But what? Mycah: I chipped a tooth on my coffee on the way to work. Person 2: Sends an emoji that is half a yellow pepper that looks like a shocked face. Two blank eyes and hands have been doodled in.

Right. Ok. This going a bit better.

Uh oh.

Looks like somebody’s not in the holiday spirit. Quick, who do we have left to respond to a pun?

Text conversation with Alec. Alec: I think all the Xmas decorations in the stores are making me sick. Person 2: Really? Alec: I think I might have tinsel-itis Person 2: Meh emoji made of a small round back pillow with two rectangular eyes over a straight seam of a mouth.

Perfect! No notes.

Get to the Point!

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

You know you’re spending too much time in medical facilities, when you start seeing faces in the sharps container.

Seriously, I think I needle help. Faces have become a real sticking point with me. They inject themselves into my everyday life, and I can’t contain them. But I need to draw the line somewhere.

I’ll give it my best shot.

Open yellow needle disposal trash can, that resembles a gaping mouth. Above it, are two holes in the wall that look like eyes. Eyebrows and arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "It's because of your sharp wit."

Something’s Rotten in the State of Refrigerator

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Yesterday was National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day (no, really, look it up!), so I guess it’s time to see what’s getting old…

Ugh! Watermelon? I haven’t bought that since the summer. OUT!

Watermelon pieces sitting on a cutting board. Two white seeds form eyes over discolorations forming nostrils and a wavy mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Water you doing? You can't get rid of me just because I'm a little past my prime. That's ageist."

Um, I don’t think that applies to expired food. Sorry, dude.

What else is in here?

Ah, a half-eaten pizza slice. I couldn’t even tell you the last time we ordered pizza.

Slice of pepperoni pizza with bites out of the bottom. Two round pepperoni pieces form eyes over a semi-circular pepperoni slice mouth. Speech bubble says, "I bring you piece (spelled p-i-e-c-e)" and has a peace symbol, making a reference to the Simpsons' X-Files/aliens episode.

Hmm…it doesn’t look bad. Maybe the kids brought that home from somewhere. I guess we’ll keep it until I can confirm.

Moving on…

What’s that at the back of the veg drawer?

Oh right, the rest of the pepper from dinner the other night. It should still be fine, but I guess, in the spirit of the day, I should check it just to be sure.

Half of a yellow pepper sliced so the pith and seeds form an angry mouth. Sunglasses and angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "You try and get rid of me and I'll bust a capsaicin in your-"

Okay, yeah, no, it’s definitely gone bad.

It’s About Time

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Everybody talks about getting an extra hour of sleep when the clocks “fall back,” but we are, more than a week after turning our clocks back, and my body and my dog are still running on DST.

Meaning, we’re up around 3am.

Every.

Day.

But, since I’m going to sleep on Standard Time, I’m losing an hour of sleep. And it’s making me a little loopy.

So, I say, it’s far past time to get rid of Daylight Savings (or switch to it permanently, if you’d prefer). Look, I know I have only a minute chance of success, here, but we can’t wait another second! This constant flipping back and forth is hurting hour society as a whole!

And it’s not just humans bearing the brunt of the damage. Countless timepieces get clocked by their grumpy owners around Time Change – and trust me, you don’t want to tick them off!

We can no longer afford to make Time Change our fallback position. We must spring forward into a future without it. So, watch out, DST, we’re coming for you.

Even the bottom of my clock agrees, Time Change Sucks!

Bottom of a small rectangular travel clock with contact pads that look like two round eyes over a straight line mouth. Arms and angry eyebrows have been doodled in, as well as a picket sign that reads, "End time change! Save a clock!" Speech bubble says, "You humans only invented time change because it was the closest you could get to time travel."