You’ll Never Look at a Turkey the Same Way Again
I know I promised a month of Halloween posts, but today is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so it feels like I should post something turkey-related. So, in true Franken-spirit, I have combined the two. Behold, my two best (worst?) Halloween turkey jokes and an image that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
What happens to turkeys when they die?
They become poultry-geists.
What do turkeys dress up as for Halloween?
Don’t Bite My Head Off
Something about this picture is bugging me. Just got this creeping feeling there’s more here than meets the eye. Maybe if I divide it insections? Nope. Ugh. This kind of failure just can’t fly. I guess I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness.
On second thought, never mind. I’m sure someone will jump in the comments to mantisplain.
Once a stool was just so even-keeled
People sat on it, stood on it, or kneeled,
It was such a prize
It helped teams exercise,
The stool was outstanding in its field.
Toucan Play at this Game
A pirate made a demand quite absurd
“Yar, find booty at the beach!” (so I heard)
But there were no gems around,
Only wood washed aground,
So instead of treasure, they gave him the bird.
(See more pirate jokes here)
The school year has been being waged for a week now, so it’s time for a status update from each of you.
Hang in there, Man. Mustard your courage!
Now that’s more like it. Keep it cup, soldier!
What about you, Knapsacki?
Hear that, soldiers? We have this in the bag!
All right, Troops, there’s a long road ahead, but I know you’re up to the job. Stay sharp and stick to it.
Talk About a Disco Inferno
My spouse set up some speakers over the summer, and I can’t help but think they’re judging us for our taste in music…
Head in the Clouds
As climate change has been making weather worse across the world, we here at Cumulo-Nimbus Entertainment have decided to take advantage of the unstable atmosphere and bring you the first ever Cross-Country Cloud Race!
This is a very cirrus event, certain to send the lucky winner’s career into the stratosphere!
And they’re off!
Uh-oh, looks like one of our contestants is slow to leave the gate. If she can’t get moving soon, she’s looking at turtle defeat.
And Contestant Number 2 is off to an early lead, setting hearts aflutter with her speed.
Oh no! Looks like she blown off the course by a stray breeze!
That puts our third and final contestant in first place. Hope he doesn’t run into any fowl weather!
Contestant Number 3 has stopped to pose for photographers just before the finish line!
What fowl behaviour! I’ve never seen anything like it.
And here comes Contestant Number 1, on a swift air current. She’s coming up the outside.
Jack be Nimbus, Jack be Quick! She’s done it! Contestant Number 1 has won the race!
What an upset!
What can I say, folks? Today has been a tale of lightning speed and mist opportunities, with a shocking twist at the end!
Let’s give a final round of applause for our new raining champion!
This just in.
It’s being reported that aliens have begun an invasion of earth.
These creatures are tricky and excellent at camouflage, but we have a few photos.
This first one was spotted at a nearby swamp, prompting scientists to dub it “The Marsh-an.”
This next one was spotted under water. Judging by its defiant attitude in mocking the photographer, it should definitely be considered an anemone to humankind.
I’m not going to beat about the bush here: we are in danger.
Some aliens have even been spotted hiding close to people’s homes.
And, even worse, in playgrounds.
We cannot let this slide!
If you spot an alien in your neighbourhood, do not approach. Give them space.
All sightings are to be reported to your local X-Files division.
I know this situation feel scary, folks, but if we all work together we can overcomet!
It has come to our attention that some visitors to the aquarium have been making fun of our majestic sea creatures.
I will remind you that sharks and sting rays have their eyes on top of their heads. It is their nostrils that are located on the bottom.
They do not like being told they have “funny faces.”
Sharks have excellent eyesight, so don’t think you can get away with mocking them.
These are deadly sea creatures, folks. Trust me when I say you don’t want to make them angry.
So, while I’m sure many of us have been gill-ty of this offense in the past, I hope that in the future, you’ll churn over a new leaf and treat these animals like the dignified and sofishticated creatures they are.