puns

Happy Howloween

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Side view of a turkey whose wing feathers look like a smiling face. Pink hands have been doodled in to match its pink legs. Speech bubble covers turkeys real head and says, "What do you call an owl who reads your horoscope?" Second bubble says, "An Astr-owl-oger"
Same turkey picture, only this time the speech bubbles say, "What do you call an owl who transforms things?" and "An owl-chemist."
Same picture again. Speech bubbles say, "What do you call an owl who raises the dead?" and "A necr-owl-mancer"
Side of a barn with two large windows on either side of a spout, giving the impression of an owl's face. An outline of an owl's body has been drawn in for emphasis. Speech bubble says, "I hate you."
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You’ll Never Look at a Turkey the Same Way Again

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

I know I promised a month of Halloween posts, but today is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so it feels like I should post something turkey-related. So, in true Franken-spirit, I have combined the two. Behold, my two best (worst?) Halloween turkey jokes and an image that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

What happens to turkeys when they die?

They become poultry-geists.

What do turkeys dress up as for Halloween?

Gobblins.

Close-up of a turkey's head in profile. Its ear looks like a second eye, and its wattle is stretched tight, giving the appearance of a screaming mouth. Eyebrows and excited arms have been doodled in. Speech bubble covers part of the beak and says, "Those jokes are FOWL" Spelled F O W L.

Don’t Bite My Head Off

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Something about this picture is bugging me. Just got this creeping feeling there’s more here than meets the eye. Maybe if I divide it insections? Nope. Ugh. This kind of failure just can’t fly. I guess I’ll just have to pray for forgiveness.

On second thought, never mind. I’m sure someone will jump in the comments to mantisplain.

A picture of three green berries hanging in a triangular formation looking like the head of a praying mantis. Antennae and outlines of head and foreleg have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Mantis Dating Advice: Never lose your head over a pretty girl."

Supplies Party

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Atten-tion!

The school year has been being waged for a week now, so it’s time for a status update from each of you.

Cadet Lunchowski?

Rectangular sandwich container lid with two "eye" spaces over one larger "mouth" space. Mustard is smeared over all spaces. Speech bubble says, "They're eating us alive out there, General!"

Hang in there, Man. Mustard your courage!

Botteli, Report.

Reusable water bottle seen from the top. Two rivets form eyes, the closing mechanism makes a mouth, and the handle looks like a jutting chin. Speech bubble says, "My troops are staying straw-ng, Sir!"

Now that’s more like it. Keep it cup, soldier!

What about you, Knapsacki?

Back pack with a silver decoration that looks like sunglasses is hanging on a hook. Mouth has been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "We've taken a beating, General, Sir. But we're hanging in there."

Excellent, Trooper.

Hear that, soldiers? We have this in the bag!

All right, Troops, there’s a long road ahead, but I know you’re up to the job. Stay sharp and stick to it.

Company…dismissed!

Head in the Clouds

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

As climate change has been making weather worse across the world, we here at Cumulo-Nimbus Entertainment have decided to take advantage of the unstable atmosphere and bring you the first ever Cross-Country Cloud Race!

This is a very cirrus event, certain to send the lucky winner’s career into the stratosphere!

And they’re off!

Uh-oh, looks like one of our contestants is slow to leave the gate. If she can’t get moving soon, she’s looking at turtle defeat.

Cloud shaped like a turtle, outlined for emphasis. Eyeball doodled in.

And Contestant Number 2 is off to an early lead, setting hearts aflutter with her speed.

Wispy cloud that looks like a butterfly; antennae have been doodled in.

Oh no! Looks like she blown off the course by a stray breeze!

That puts our third and final contestant in first place. Hope he doesn’t run into any fowl weather!

Cloud shaped like a running bird. Outline and eye added for emphasis.

What’s this?

Contestant Number 3 has stopped to pose for photographers just before the finish line!

What fowl behaviour! I’ve never seen anything like it.

And here comes Contestant Number 1, on a swift air current. She’s coming up the outside.

Jack be Nimbus, Jack be Quick! She’s done it! Contestant Number 1 has won the race!

What an upset!

Cloud turtle looks like she's smiling. A gold medal has been doodled in around her neck. Speech bubble says, "Slow and steady wins the race."

What can I say, folks? Today has been a tale of lightning speed and mist opportunities, with a shocking twist at the end!

Let’s give a final round of applause for our new raining champion!

Alien Concept

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This just in.

It’s being reported that aliens have begun an invasion of earth.

These creatures are tricky and excellent at camouflage, but we have a few photos.

This first one was spotted at a nearby swamp, prompting scientists to dub it “The Marsh-an.”

Morning glory flower with two vines that look like eye stalks. Eyeballs have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "Take me to your weeder."

This next one was spotted under water. Judging by its defiant attitude in mocking the photographer, it should definitely be considered an anemone to humankind.

Pink shaggy sea anemone that looks like it's sticking out a tongue. Eyeballs have been doodled in.
Thanks to LE Callard for spotting this one.

I’m not going to beat about the bush here: we are in danger.

Some aliens have even been spotted hiding close to people’s homes.

Shaggy bush in a planter box with round decorations that look like eyeballs. Speech bubble says, "E Tree phone home."

And, even worse, in playgrounds.

Playground equipment with colourful semi-spheres with two screws at the top that look like aliens. Speech bubble says, "We think playgrounds are out of this world!"
Photo submitted by MJ Blakely

We cannot let this slide!

If you spot an alien in your neighbourhood, do not approach. Give them space.

All sightings are to be reported to your local X-Files division.

I know this situation feel scary, folks, but if we all work together we can overcomet!

Sea-ing Faces

/ K. Callard / Leave a comment

Ahem.

It has come to our attention that some visitors to the aquarium have been making fun of our majestic sea creatures.

Bottom view of a sting ray, whose nostrils look like eyes over a 'meh' mouth. Speech bubble says, "Ouch! That really stings!"

I will remind you that sharks and sting rays have their eyes on top of their heads. It is their nostrils that are located on the bottom.

They do not like being told they have “funny faces.”

Bottom of a shark's head. Nostils look like sad eyes over a sad mouth. Eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "That makes me feel jaw-ful."

Sharks have excellent eyesight, so don’t think you can get away with mocking them.

Saw tooth shark with angry-looking nostrils "eyes" and mouth. Angry eyebrows have been doodled in. Speech bubble says, "I saw that!"

These are deadly sea creatures, folks. Trust me when I say you don’t want to make them angry.

Great White shark with angry nostril "eyes" and mouth full of teeth. Speech bubble says, "It's all fin and games until somebody loses an arm."

So, while I’m sure many of us have been gill-ty of this offense in the past, I hope that in the future, you’ll churn over a new leaf and treat these animals like the dignified and sofishticated creatures they are.